Anger is a gift

It's the 30th, and this is the second time in a row that they got my pay wrong. I worked for that money. I'm thiking of a thousand horrible things that are just waiting to fall out of my mouth...but no, I'm better than that, and better than them. Maybe someone should cut their pay in half so they can see how infuriating it is. My rage right now is beyond (decent) words, and good manners. I'm going to the HR to raise hell if they don't fix it ASAP. God help them if they give me crap about this again.

Breathe in...breathe out...yeah, I can handle this, sure I can.

I feel exhausted but in a good way. Pulling late-night baby duty is bad for my sleep habits, but looking at his little pudgy face is what keeps me going....especially when he giggles in his sleep. It's enough to justify smothering our little bundle of joy with kisses. I hope he grows up to be a better person than me. Having been a parent for a month now, it's overwhelming to look too far into the future. One day a time is my motto and mantra these days. It's hard to imagine myself walking the path that my Dad took 24 years ago. Even during my undergraduate years, I felt that my peers were way more mature than me - I felt positively infantile next to them.

Apolitical is an adjective that would fit me, but for some strange reason, I've gone to some anti-Erap sites and others that rage against the Philippine political machinery. I don't have much of an opinion on politics, but it's hard for me not to see what a pompous poser douchebag of a president Erap was. What burns me up is that he likes to polarize the brainwashed underprivileged masses against the other well-to-do social classes. When the chips are down for him, he'll blow the whole thing out of proportion and turn it into a class war. I can't get over the fact that his supporters are totally blind to his bullshit. Come on, how can one claim to be a man of the people while living out a lifestyle none of them could hope to have in three lifetimes?? It's hypocrisy at its best. Sheesh.

More on this tomorrow - gotta finish up on some stuff...

Shades of Smith



"I was walking along the road with two friends.
The sun was setting.
I felt a breath of melancholy -
Suddenly the sky turned blood-red.
I stopped, and leaned against the railing, deathly tired -
looking out across the flaming clouds that hung like blood and a sword
over the blue-black fjord and town.
My friends walked on - I stood there, trembling with fear.
And I sensed a great, infinite scream pass through nature."

- by Edvard Munch, 22 January 1892

Once again, the pressure is on. I can feel it permeating every pore of my body. It seeps in, crushing the core of my being little by little. Sometimes, I wish for a better version of myself: one who knows nothing of sickness, fatigue, hunger, or stress...and someone who can will himself at two places at once, or three even. I wish I could just shout my lungs out...a good catharsis to be sure.

This quote scares me because one day I might end up believing it:

"Guilt is like a bag of fuckin' bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down." (Al Pacino/John Milton, from the movie Devil's Advocate)

This next one (from the same movie) is unrelated to what I'm feeling now, but is equally scary (and true). This illustrates the double-edged-sword type of danger that democracy and free enterprise poses to humans:

"You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?" (Al Pacino/John Milton)

Which Martix Persona do you emulate at the moment??



Miiissssterrrr Andersonnnnn.....

Don't need Quizilla to tell me that. The reason being that his statement below fits my view on life when I'm pissed off:

**Agent Smith is back at the window of the office, staring out into the world**

He turns to Agent Brown.

Agent Smith : Why isn't the serum working?

Agent Brown : Perhaps we're asking the wrong questions...

Agent Smith : Leave me with him!

**Agent Brown and Agent Jones look at each other, surprised**

Agent Smith : Now!

**They hurriedly leave**

**Agent Smith grabs Morpheus' head with his hands**

Agent Smith : Can you hear me, Morpheus? I'm going to be honest with you.. I hate this place...this..zoo, this..prison, this...reality.. whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer...

It's the smell. If there is such a thing...I feel... saturated by it. I can...taste, your stink. And every time I do, I feel I have somehow been..infected by it, it's repulsive! I must get out of here. I must get free...

Ok, so maybe it's not the smell, but just being dismayed about reality sometimes.

To The Karmic Gods of Justice:

If there is such a thing as karma, then the gods of retribution are coming to charge their dues today. A thousand pounds of emotional weight bears upon my shoulders. Is there anything I can do to pay your fees? Maybe you'll accept my tears as payment, I have plenty of that at the moment.

RE: It Should All End, part 4 (a.k.a. Independence day)

In response to Ian's post, it reminds me of my own situation in 2001. I recently just graduated and moved in with my mom when she started living at a condominium in Boni. We were already having some long-standing personal issues between us, but it didn't reach its peak until that time. I don't really want to go into the details of it, but it ended with us having a huge argument one day, and me storming out of there with two gym bags full of my immediate possessions. It was more of emotional issues than financial actually.

I was confident to move out on extremely short notice because a few months back, my close friend was bugging me to move in with him. His family was renting a small 3 floor dorm at manila (right behind UST). So, as fate would have it, I moved in with him and his cousins (college students), and lived there for a year (and subsequently got married). I can say I learned a lot from that experience. You got to manage your time on your own terms. Ang sarap pala umuwi at any time you please...without having to worry if the parental units will get upset at you. The first few weeks for me were tough though - good thing Pauline was there to support me since day one...that definitely made it easier for me to adjust to my new life...supporting myself. Food was no problem, but the laundry was another story. On some days, I did it myself. Since walang washing machine, mano-mano yung gawa ko. Nakaupo and nagkuskos. If I'm lazy enough, I just took my stuff to the cleaners next door, although I was hesistant to do so. I had this fear in the back of my mind that they might steal some articles of my clothing.

And you also had to learn how to be patient with your fellow inhabitants. My friend's brother, a huge fan of local rap metal acts like Slapshock and Greyhoundz would sometimes crank up the stereo at the most innapropriate hours (well for me anyways, when I'm on C shift). But still, I was able to get along with everyone there, mababit naman kasi sila sa akin. In fact, I'm good friends with most of them to this day.

Of course, some folks in the family didn't take it well that I suddenly just left...but I felt at the time that I needed my own space. Nagalit pa nga yung iba sa akin. Sabi nga ni Ice, perceived as disobedience yung ganun. Well, somehow I was able to stand my ground, and they eventually accepted my decision. One year nga lang before they got over it. Oh, and I also had a problem with one other boarder in the place. You see, he was of the supernatural sort, if you get my drift. One night, I was sleeping alone on the 3rd floor. I was half asleep when I felt the weight of bed shift, just like when someone lies beside you. To my horror, there was no one there...and I heard someone crying. Right beside me, in my ear, of all things. It turns out that the previous guy living there hanged himself....IN THE VERY SAME DAMNED ROOM I WAS SLEEPING IN.

Ah, the perils of being an adult....

Our baby boy's finally here! After being on leave for a week, I'm not accustomed to staring at the computer monitor for long periods of time. Plus, lately sleep is now a just a luxury I can't afford. As I'm writing this, my eyeballs hurt and my head is throbbing. I passed by the clinic to get some paracetamol...hope it kicks in soon.

We're slated to move to a nearby building within this month. I just hope the parking there is more coherent, reasonable and democratic. I don't mind parking at the lower level, but there should be more slots for the employees. The arrangement of the slots is designed in such a way that they're lined up from front to back, not side by side. That means that if someone parks in front of you, you're gonna have a hell of a time getting out. The only easy slots to get in and out of are reserved for the managers. What's up with that? It doesn't bug me that some slots are reserved (which is normal), or the distance from the elevator, but the fact that only managers can get to park in and out with ease is highly annoying. That **SHOULD** be everybody's right, regardless of the job position. It's an endless source of hassle for a lotta of us here.

Fatherhood, what can I say? I'm taking this one day at a time, so I sincerely wish that I don't mess up our firstborn or be a source of neurosis for him. I'll just try to recall how my own parents raised me, that's a good start dontcha think?? We were just lucky that we had just enough to cover the bill...well thanks to generous family members anyway, plus my salary loan and 13th month pay. There's lot of good things I should be thankful for I guess, despite my whinings about everyday nuisances.

By the way, my posts starting 2004 will now be set to the correct local date/time: Manila. Previously it was set to US time.

Baby update: none yet at the moment. My wife hasn't dilated yet so we're still on standby mode as of now. I hope it's soon coz she's having back pains and it's getting harder for her everyday. She's already been confined twice for a few days due to contractions, but it wasn't showtime just yet. I just hope that we have enough to cover the bill....

Incubus' new album is due out soon - yay!! They have a preview track available on the site but I can't try it out for now, although I'm sorely tempted to. The IT guys might bust my butt if I do. Hmmm....I might just try it....oh what the hell. I'll be back.

Ok...to be honest, the new song Megalomaniac, isn't really something that knocked me off my feet. It's more of the Morning View style still. I was sincerely hoping they would go back a bit to the S.C.I.E.N.C.E stuff: quirky, heavy, and a bit funky. I mean, they've proven that they can do diffrerent kinds of stuff, and they don't stick to a winning formula. I was taken aback a bit by how their last album sounded compared to others...but as the older stuff, it grew on me, just as I'm sure that I'll do the same with the new album.

People have been talking about Incubus coming over here. I hope it's not another Limp Bizkit or Linkin Park "concert". Yes, I am jaded and bitter over the last two botched shows. Some guy on the Limp Bizkit forum was telling me not to bitch about it. Well, he was rude and I've seen his other posts...he likes to just jump in a conversation and type in a poorly-spelled comment. How would he feel if they annonunced that Korn (seems to be his favorite band) was coming to his place, put up big bilboards about it, and then announce they wouldn't be playing after all? Pissed, I'd like to think.

Tanjobi Omedeto

Having existed exactly 24 years in this little rock called Earth, I'm compelled to write something about that I guess. However, I've accumulated so many observations, thoughts, and what-have-yous over the past week, so I'm not dedicating this obligatory post exclusively to my birthday.

Oops, staff meeting...I'll be back.

Ok, I'm back. It's funny that our staff meeting is like a high school or college lecture...losta noisy students in the background, and the prof is about to have a stroke from the inattentive youngins.. of course, I'm always the quiet one, not necessarily paying attention myself though. Just doodling and scribbling away, making some pathetic attempt at art.

Hoo boy, Iam 24 years old. I feel like a little older, a little wiser, and a little fatter. Wiser because I've learned some of the ropes of being married for a year as well. We celebrated our anniversary/birthdays at the Holiday Inn (formerly the Galleria Suites) at Ortigas. The selection consisted of KFC and Pizza Hut, yummy. Pics can be found here. Anyways, I actually don't have any profound or thought-provoking insights about my birthday. Maybe I should be grateful to the Unseen Force Above for bring alive for another year, so thanks, God :-)

Other that....hmmmmm.... I'm honestly at a loss as to what can be said....

Ok, on to other things. Limp Bizkit's latest album, Results May Vary is definitely growing on me. Now this band is the exception to my preference for generally (pseudo) cerebral rock. I like my rock heavy yet intelligent. Sometimes the Bizkit can be pretty heavy on the testosterone and bling-bling, but somehow, it's something that's OK by me....but I would have crucified Kid Rock for. But they can definitely balance out the tough shit with their more soulful and heartfelt stuff, especially with this album. I can say that they haven't lost their touch. Their new guy Mike Smith is great with the guitars. He's nicely filled in the vacuum left by ol' Wes. His style is awesome because he can provide the essential crunch to the Limp's sound, but it's all original....and Mike's pretty sweet with his acoustic work too. Basically, he's not trying to be a clone of Wes Borland, which is a good thing. Don't get me wrong though, Wes is a great musician in his own right, and his riffs has most definitely define the Bizkit sound during his time. I'll miss him, his guitar work helped establish the band as a landmark in rap-metal...before all the other cookie cutter acts came along (Hi Papa Roach!). I mean, Wes' stuff contributed to Limp's greatest songs (oops, I nearly typed the word "hits" instead, which is cheesy and cliche ). By the way, is it just me, or has John Otto become more of a kickass drummer?? Geez, is that double bass I hear? Sweet...although I dunno for sure since I don't play the drums.

This band can churn out stadium/arena songs that you can slam to, but also stuff you can wave your lighter to, all in one album. My only gripe is that they put a lot more acoustic/sensitive songs than the moshpit ones, not to mention less of DJ lethal's turntables . But that's just me nitpicking. Which reminds me, they were supposed to come here, but cancelled a couple of days before the scheduled date. Leche, sayang talaga. Eh kung si Mandy Moore nga hindi natakot pumunta dito...di makabasag pinggan istura non. Sila Fred Mukhang bandido!!! Haaaay...

Movie Review: Black Rain. I've just read Roger Ebert's review of this movie. I'm crushed because he only gave it 2 out of 4, which makes it pretty much in the middle....or mediocre. I greatly respect Ebert's views on cinema, being an established movie critic. He's witty, insightful, and often funny. In this case, however, I beg to disagree; I immensly enjoyed the film. I have a thing for international oriental thrillers. It's all about East-meets-West, baby. There's just something about how a Gaijin sees Japan, either finding it as totally alien, or those types that have adapted to the culture so much so that they're practically a native (the thought of a stereotypical blonde, blue-eyed caucasian muttering prefect Japanese has always allured me).

Director Ridley Scott (Blade Runner, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down) did a very good job with this one....although I have to agree with Ebert on the movie's excessively dark tone. I've never been to Japan, but I know there's more to it than seedy, poorly lit alleys illuminated with neon signs. I would have liked more daytime scenes to show the splendor of the country's beautiful landscapes. The theme of the movie is very tasteful to me: the inner workings of the feared Yakuza. Ain't that cool? Just like the Italian Mafia, they also have their own set of rules, even if they live outside of the law. What also struck me is a particular scene where an Oyabun (Yakuza boss) expresses his distaste for westerners by recounting his post-World War II boyhood experiences:

***OK, I've been searching Google for the final script for this movie, but all I've found on the web so far is the draft, not the final version. The piece of dialogue I was gonna quote is missing. The Oyabun recounts how his family came out of hiding after the atomic bombs fell (*note: this is not a quote verbatim - - this is as best as I could remember it. If anyone has a copy of the dialogue, let me know):

"We hid underground for three days...when we came up, it started to rain...it was black rain. " (hence the title)

This is a chilling statement; it gives the movie a historical anchor. You can see the shades of the past with words like these.

It was also good that there were no subtitles for the initial scenes where the Japanese characters were speaking to each other. It makes you see the action from Nick's (Michael Douglas) point of view: a Gaijin uninitiated to his foreign co-workers' and nemesis' behavior. This subtle touch helps the viewer empathize with the Americans' predicament, struggling to get a crime solved while getting around the language barrier...and this also adds to Black Rain's exotic feel. In the end, we finally see why these strange slant-eyed men are killing each other during the final sequence, where the Japanese dialogue is translated. Very cool indeed.

Aside from the onset of rain, it's images like this that make me feel I'm somewhere else...at least my mind is (lost in the clouds). I took these pictures from the top of the water tank at our backyard. There's this strange mix of elation, sadness, beauty, and longing that stirs inside of me when I see the sunset. The whole thing is such a dark, dual metaphor for me. It might mean that as the darkness looms, hope is lost (but in a pretty and colorful way)...or maybe it means that you can retire for the day and get some well-earned rest.

This is weird, but maybe a significant portion of my past life was spent outdoors and/or in close proximity to the sun...maybe that's why I have a such an affinity for that fiery heavenly body.

Same thing with the moon too...

Ho Ho Ho Ho

I'm getting with the program and changing my pic to something more Christmassy...Star Wars pa rin ang theme, heheh.

Oh boy, what am I gonna get my wife for her birthday, which is 3 days away (followed by our wedding anniversary on the 6th)? Hmmmm...the Finding Nemo VCD I saw at the mall looks like a winner. I'm already short on cash so that's a good option. I need to pass by the mall today to get it, coz I need to take care of a few things starting tomorrow. That's all for now...

The last two days were a tad bit draining. I woke up at about 7:30 am yesterday to attend the baptismal of my friend's kid (co-worker at a different department). The event actually started at 10:30 am, but I had to leave early because it was all the way at Kalookan, near Monumento. I slept late (2:00am) the night before...my wife and I met up with some college buddies, and we finished up late. I left the house at around 9:30am in a mad rush, after feeding the pair of ever reluctant puppies that we have. To be more specific, they're reluctant to eat...haaay jusko, ayaw kumain. What I usually do is just leave the food there in their dishes even if they don't start munching right away. They eventually chow down after a while. I'll be posting a picture of them soon (if they could only stay still for one good shot).

The sketch (for the way to the church) was incomplete...I mistakenly printed out only about half of it. So we were partially flying blind, but thankfully we didn't get lost and made it on time. The rituals finished at about 12pm and we headed over to Erwin's house for some good old grub. The selection was excellent; in no particular order:

-Pancit
-Lechon
-Kare-Kare
-Beef and Mushroom with Broccoli
-Hipon
-Fruit Salad
-Leche Flan (always my favorite)

A lot of other company employees from other accounts showed up as well. I knew most of them from my earlier months at work. They're fun to be with -- they asked me if a certain co-worker of mine (and their former co-worker in the past) was promoted to a higher position. 'Hindi noh', I replied. I added in fact, he's in trouble for pulling some boo-boo. I wonder how that news came around? I have nothing against the guy honestly. He's a nice and friendly guy, but sometimes he's too chummy with people that he just recently met. He acts like he's already close to folks, including me. It makes me feel uncomfortable watching him talk and act around other people in a familiar way. I feel bad when his behavior annoys the hell out of me, but I can't help it.

Moving on, I had a small glass of Fundador and a smoke after our hefty meal. It was great. Going home was not. EDSA was packed with cars almost every step of the way (Christmas shoppers? thankfully we're done buying gifts), not to mention the buses weaving haphazardly along the road. Those moronic mammoths just cut your lane anytime they please, but when we civilians use their designated PUV lane, the boys in blue bust us. WTF is up with that?? It didn't help that I had a heavy spell of sleepiness on the road either. I was literally slapping myself to stay awake (and in one piece).

All in all though, it was a great day. I'm at the office now, cleaning up some customer emails sent over the weekend. I forgot to go online while answering a couple of them, hopefully that'll count in my stats still. On another note, I've taken only five calls as of this writing -- still slow at present.

I know Kung-Fu

So many things to write down, so little brain cells, heheh. My mind's still trying to digest Matrix: Revolutions...it was a great movie, but like Reloaded, it doesn't have the same emotional pull or dark sleekness of the first. Technically, the third one is a great acheivement. There are a lot of great special effects action sequences, and a lot of nicely done CGI going on. The trick with doing this kind of stuff is to balance it out with an intelligible plot and dialogue so that the action scenes don't dumb down the movie.

It was great to finally see the whole thing come to a resolution...well, almost anyway. It was pretty much an open-ended kinda thing though; but at least the Watchowskis didn't settle for a crowd-pleasing ending. I was honestly expecting and hoping that the machine empire would come to a screeching halt, with the big explosions and all. I was picturing that Neo would just wave his hand and the calamari, spider-like thingies, and other assorted things that go 'clang' in the night would go KA-BOOM! But no, peace with the machines? That was a great way to end things....leaves plenty of room for spin-offs movies, comics books, and another volume of Anime revolving around the truce between man and machine. I guess that Keanu doesn't have to get a day job just yet.

Change topic: I happened upon a copy of Wayne's World on sale at the mall. It's a nice non-pirated 2 CD set that I got along with another VCD I bought for my Dad. The first time I saw the movie, I was barely in my teens watching it with my long-time friend and next-door neighbor. It contributed greatly to my love of rock and roll. Honestly, who else but Wayne and Garth can come up with "Schhhwiiing!" (or maybe it was the scriptwriters)?

It's funny, because now that I watched it again with my wife, I realized that I've come a long way since i last saw this movie. With my hand on her tummy, feeling the baby kicking, I remember the old days when I didn't care about anything but myself. It's so much different now...all the years that went by...so many changes.

Anyways, Wayne's World is a cornerstone in our civlization's culture. For a review of this movie, click here.

I just came down from a state of seething anger. Ok, so I was late when I came in today, the clock said 6:01, no problem about that. It was my fault I was late....but to have someone cut you in line just to freakin' logout??? The moron (that's the best civilized term my feverish psyche can come up with right now) clearly saw me waiting for the stuck-up system to load the last person's login when he just took the liberty of punching in his own Goddamn employee number right in front of me. I just made a mad dash from the ground floor so I was too much out of breath to say anything. All I could do was give him a very evil, weary and pissed-off look while panting.

This whole post is an exercise in futility (aside from a means of venting my fuming soul), but I'll carry on to bitch and moan anyways...this is my blog, dammit. To that person who cut me in line and incurred my wrath: I wish a thousand curses upon your pathetic and socially inept ass that lacks breeding and proper ettiquette. Death is to good for you, sir. May you suffer a terrible accident on the way to whatever hole in the wall that you call a home. This is way too much for something as fickle as this, but still...I was wronged. I'll be praying that you run into the worst luck you will ever experience in your worthless life.

Zzzzz....* wha? What happened? I had the most bizzarre dream. I was really angry at someone and...oh well. That's now just a dull ache in the back of my head - I wonder what that was all about.

Last minute post before I go home (prepare for some really random ramblings):

It was rainy these past few days. Looking at the gray sky, I felt something stir inside of me. Right before the onset of rain, I looked at the clouds...there they were, fat with anticipation, hanging over the rest of humanity. The air was cold and harsh, promising nothing but bare solitude stretching into infinity. The horizon looks bleak and dull, but this shade of sadness was beautiful in its own way. Like Black Sabbath's music, it was darkness without pain. These are the words/feelings that come to mind when I was staring into this sweet oblivion: sublime, subdued, somber, melancholy, poignant.

It's moments like these that I wish I could freeze in time and put away -- so I can experience it over and over, until my being has satisfied its appetite for the abstract, intangible things in this plane of existence. As what was once said, what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Not a lot of calls today at work...as of this writing, I've gotten only five. Needless to say, it's quite a slow day here. I guess I'm left with nothing to but to articulate my anger at a certain co-worker (not in the same immediate department).

I've been putting this off for some time now, but the gloves gotta come off...at least here in the comfortable anonymity of cyberspace. Well, not so anonymous to my co-workers and to the coven of bloggers. Anyway, this person has a penchant for sarcasm, you know? It's as if he thinks he's better than everyone else, including this job. Well, why don't you quit for fuck's sake? I mean, rather than jumping at every chance of mumbling some half-assed, feeble attempt at wittiness, just shut the hell up aight?

I'm musing myself when I think I'm still nice by not naming any names here. Whatever it is, this post was inevitable. He doesn't even have an inkling of what an asshole he is. He's oblivious to the fact that his self-important tirade on other people's comments is not amusing to a LOT of people. Harumphhhh.....I dedicate this chorus to him ("Full Nelson" by Limp Bizkit):

but when it takes place and you wanna talk shit then step your ass up
and say right to my face you'll get knocked the fuck out
'cause your mouth's writing checks that your ass can't cash

Articulate, is this not? That's all for today.

Daijobu Desu Ka??

It was a long day yesterday...I was alone again on the morning shift but fortunately some fellow reps were kind enough to go on OT. It was ok until about 10am when I was alone and the calls started coming in. There was a time that I was on a call, and there were two more waiting in queue. I wanted to say out loud: "I only have one body, dammit! Go to sleep people!". I don't blame anyone if they get sick and don't take it against them if they can't make it, it's just that recently it happens to be me that's left alone on A shift more often than not. It gets to you, ya know?? Whew - I needed that.

Moving on, I barely have enough moolah to cover the upcoming delivery. I just put together our savings from various sources, namely:

a. Salary Loan
b. Uncle's wedding gift (CASH)
c. X-Mas bonus...I hope.

This is really eating away at my peace of mind. Well, I hope my dad helps me out with this, and my loving Aunt is willing to do so too. I was watching "8 simple Rules" last night and it occured to me that if I have daughters, I'm gonna have to go through the same thing as well. It's at this point in my life that I appreciate what a parent does for their children....because I'm about to be one myself. To be honest, it scares me out of my wits when I think about the challenge of Parenthood. At this time, I'm just praying I don't screw up my kid in any sort of psychological way. Thanks to my folks, I turned out pretty OK (and I use the term "OK" loosely).

I'm applying for the APAC opening as well....this is the 3rd time I've done so, and I hope that they pick me. I really need the daytime schedule because my wife is almost due, and so that I can take care of the baby. Also, I plan to take advanced Japanese language classes to enhance my language ability,and I need to get out of work early. Who knows, maybe I can do Japanese support for Macromedia too...the bigger pay wouldn't hurt either, heheh :)

Up, up and away

We finally had another ultrasound session for the baby yesterday. The doctor wouldn't allow another one too soon, but she gave the go signal during our scheduled check-up.

It was awesome - I'm still getting my mind around the fact that my wife has a little human being inside of her. The images on the screen resembled a dark place with light filtering into it, revealing the baby against the rays seeping in. I didn't know it could show his bones too; I could even see his little heart beating. I felt like Superman with X-ray vision. We had a look at him last September and the nurse says it's a boy but she wasn't 100% sure because they couldn't get a good look with the baby turned away. Well, it was the same yesterday since the baby had his legs closed. She got a glimpse for about a few seconds, but he was moving back and forth. Not that it matters if the baby's a boy or a girl, but it's maddening when you don't know for sure...the suspense is really something. This entry can't really do our experience justice, but any parent could tell you the same thing, about what it feels like.

Ever since I started this blog, I've made more of a conscious effort to make mental notes of my thoughts so I can tuck them away when I get the chance to get online and post here. Sometimes it's frustrating when I forget what I want to say when I'm here at blogger.com. So now when I get a revelation, make an astute observation, or just have nonsense I'd like to immortalize on the web, my brain goes into recorder mode and makes neural post-its.

Anyways, it was great to get a long overdue dose of sweet Rock last night. Paul (from tech support) was kind enough to lend me his Red Hot Chili Peppers DVD. It's concert footage - it was already late so I wasn't able to see all of it. I zipped right to the songs I knew. For some time now, I thought I was too old for Rock...it seems like I lost interest in the heavy stuff. Hahah, guess not. I don't really follow the new stuff right now, it's like I stopped updating myself after college. It was a great rush seeing them jump and jam on stage. Anthony Kiedis really knows his shit. He has a way with words, and the way his verses and words gel together is simply wicked. The DVD had subtitles for the lyrics, so I caught every crazy word. Sometimes it seems like he's not making any sense, but he says it so gosh-darn well, ah-hyuk (invoking a goofy voice:P). I didn't realize after all this time, that I miss this kind of stuff :-)

To point the topic compass in the other direction, I'm contemplating on what a doozy remorse can be. It's funny how you can get carried away with your emotions and up end doing something you'll regret. In some cases, you can undo it, but sometimes you can't. Too bad life doesn't come with a reset or rewind button. Oops, I'm late for work - *click* - rewind to the past, and wake up earlier. Hahah, dream on I suppose.

This is just marvelous - I just got a new Site Meter for the blog....hahaha yun lang :-)

More on the Pimp Juice issue. I'm glad they slammed Nelly for his nonsense. He's always yapping about how much money he has, or how phat his ride is, or other materialistic BS. I'm not about to rattle off on morality or anything like that but come on, this is just nuts. What's in a name, some might ask, but would any self-respecting woman really drink that crap? He's narrowing down his target consumer group, he should have also released "Ho / Bitch Juice" to diversify his market. Yeah, I bet all my bling-bling that would sell like hotcakes.... pure genius (NOT).

He says, "Pimp Juice is anything [that] attract[s] the opposite sex ...It could be money, fame or straight intellect; it don't matter! Pimp Juice is color blind; you find it works on all colors, creeds and kinds, from ages 50 right down to nine." Uh-huh, sure. Well, when I last checked, Pimp is a guy peddling flesh out on the street (http://www.m-w.com):

Pronunciation: 'pimp
Function: noun
Etymology: origin unknown
Date: 1600
: a man who solicits clients for a prostitute

Was Nelly the brains behind this concept? This will really help African-Americans eliminate the notion that the majority of them are gang-bangers and lowlives. After this all of this dies down, I just hope Nelly won't whine about how other people stereotype Blacks as criminally inclined. Not after this s**t that he pulled, and his songs. This testoterone junk is just way too cliche for me.