It feels like my brain has atrophied from the monotony of a daily shift, which is probably why I chose to write on the side...just to keep the gray matter going. The only reasons why I continue to pursue my line of work are a) I have slowly developed an addiction to being online after all these years b) The money's not bad at all c) I'm too scared to try something else and d) it's hard to leave ones' comfort zone. For the last item however, I use the term "comfort zone" very loosely since the room I sleep in is right next to someone that I still despise in the corner of my shriveled black heart.

I am a fucking machine fueled by the past
Memory's a memory until it's a fact
I can bury the hatchet and let some shit go
But I got too many grudges to hold!
-"30/30-150", Stone Sour

So there. We're not so sure if the Japan plan is going to push through. There's still the matter of our living arrangements which is still being worked out. There are whole lot of other details that our prospective employer has yet to discuss with us. He's basically sending email updates to the local office here and the last update we got was about a month ago. Supposedly we're going to be trainees and all our basic expenses will be covered by the company. From what I understood, we're not going to be employees per se, rather trainees living on allowance.

There is an hourly overtime rate, but it's just about the same as my current job. They'll renew our contracts and be officially hired as employees once the year-long training has been completed. My major concerns are the following:

a. If we are to stay there, who will take care of Dan if he comes along?

b. If Dan is to stay behind, can we trust the nanny to take care of him for that long without our presence? And where will he live, here with the in-laws or at my family's house where I grew up in?

c. If Dan is to stay behind, can I bear to not to see him for a whole year? Will it be bad for him to be without his mom and dad for that long at his age? I feel like we would miss out on such a crucial year of his life.