A Miserable Gray Limbo of Sleeplessness

You know what I am? I’m stuck in a rut. So I’m chained to my office at home, forced to stay up until the wee hours of the damn night to pay off the bills that we’ve incurred in the past few months or so. And for the past few weeks, Dan is waking up at the most ungodly of hours. I mean, I love him for sure, but what’s the deal with him wanting to bolt out of the room and downstairs right from the moment he wakes up? Come on.

His sleeping clock has somehow synchronized with mine I think. He’s up when I’m up, and sleeps through the good part of the day. What’s up with that? I seriously think that our stay-out sitter is lying. I bet she makes him sleep during the day so she has more time to do other chores, because she also does the laundry. In fact, she was originally doing the laundry on the weekends before she started babysitting for us. Now, she does the laundry duties in between Dan’s nap time, and a bit on the weekends still.

Here I am trying to rant this out of my system before I go downstairs again. WB (whiny boy) has asked to use my PC to surf fucking Friendster, or whatever trivialities tickle his fancy I suppose. Gotta make this quick. Take advantage of letting him watch Dan while I blow off some steam here eh? Anyway.

Going back to what I said earlier, I am stuck in a rut. So I’m enslaved to stay up at unholy hours to fill in a second job, we're stuck with bills, bills, and more bills. I was thinking of closing down the business, but that would be bad. Why? It only took a hundred grand from various family members to put up the business, that’s why. So shutting down for good puts that collective equivalent down the drain. And then what? Get stuck trying to pay off more debts if I take that option. Not to mention the goddamn electricity bill every month, by fucking god. WB stays up all fucking night watching TV and wasting away his youth getting bogged down in useless shit. But I digress.

I tell myself that once I’ve completely paid off the PC, I can start paying off the pending BIR and SSS bills for the business. But shit, I wonder when that will be. By that time, they might shut us down already.

So where does that leave me? Lyn wants to teach in the US, but she can’t get her foot in the door because it will take an obscene amount of money to do so. So that leaves me, the guy with the Visa that expires in 2010, to find employment abroad. Lyn says I could probably teach even for just a while so I can petition them or something like that. But I’m not teacher material. I could grin and bear it for a while, I could really. But then I would need to take some education units in school, and that would cost more money right? Who do I borrow from yet again?

Hmm, let’s see. Eeenie, meenie, minie, moe. Dad? Yeah sure, I only owe him enough as it is. If he was the mafia, he would have had me sleeping with the fishes by this time. But he loves his dear boy. Which reminds me, the car is not in good shape. I mean no dents, but the shocks need to be fixed, not to mention the moderately scuffed exterior.

Anyway, I’ve stayed here long enough. I’ll just finish this later at work, if I still feel like writing.

Disclaimer: various parts of this rant do not completely represent the actual truth. But that's how one talks like when a bit upset right?